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Want to start a second pregnancy? Here are 5 questions to ask yourself imperatively. They will help you determine if the time is right, and if you are ready to welcome this second baby!
- Having another baby when you already have a first child is not a logical sequence of events that would be necessary without taking the time to think about it! Every pregnancy, every birth, every child is a singular story. Not a simple reproduction of what we experienced the first time. And even if you really want this second child, you will live all the better this new adventure that you will be really ready.
- How to know? By asking yourself the following 5 questions. They will help you take stock and decide if you are starting right away or if you are still waiting a little before expanding the family.
1. Did I really get in shape?
- The body is not a machine that can be asked for anything! After the significant physical effort that a first motherhood represents, he needs to recover before taking up a new challenge. How long will it take ? It depends on the women, the way in which the first pregnancy and the birth took place: for some, this is done in 6 or 9 months, for others it takes more than one year. "To assess your degree of recovery, you have to ask yourself if you have managed to erase most of the signs and pains of the previous pregnancy," says midwife Hélène Kosmadakis. Of course, you will not find exactly your body before and you will not be able to better erase the fatigue related to your new mom's life. But you still have to focus on some chapters.
- First, you would have to have roughly eliminated the remaining pounds from the first pregnancy. Otherwise, you run the risk of having twice as much to dislodge after the second.
- It is better to have a perineal rehabilitatione. If not, you could pay a high price by later suffering from urinary leakage or other unpleasant problems. Your abdominal musculature must be well retrained, because a new stretch of muscles still relaxed could damage the fibers.
- And finally, are you sure you're not anemic? Because if you have not rebuilt your iron reserves, you risk being exhausted. To confirm this, take a blood test,
2. Is my eldest self-sufficient?
- Ideally, when you are pregnant again, your first child will be able to walk and eat on your own. "This ability of the big to fend for itself will determine the comfort of the second pregnancy, says Helen Kosmadakis.The mother will be able to rest more easily when she needs it and that will limit her fatigue."
- A beginning of relational independence will be useful as well. "If the elder is still at a stage of total merging with his mother," says the midwife, "then it is too early for another child, because he would not find his place to live this necessary head-to- with his mother, the result: no one would find his account! "
- Your eldest has never been kept and stays with you all the time? It's time to give fate a boost to start a "takeoff"! For example, by writing two or three half days a week at a day care center. Also encourage Dad to take his place with him, encourage them to play together while you go to other occupations.
- Another important element is language. "I often advise parents to wait for their eldest to know a minimum, says psychologist Anne Gatecel, when his little brother or little sister arrives, he will be able to express his inevitable jealousy, it is normal and healthy. will say in words rather than gestures or blows.For the child, it will be easier to live and you, parents, less stressful!
3. Is my relationship well over the first?
- For a couple, the birth of a baby is a huge joy ... but also a hurricane. If we do not bother to consolidate the walls, the arrival of the next storm could put the house at risk! "The first baby often brings out some differences in the couple, we discover the other in a different light, we realize that we do not necessarily have the same cultural and educational references. e), "remarks Anne Gatecel.
- Sometimes, too, sexual intimacy is hard to settle down again. "Some women, even months after birth, are still entirely in their maternal intent: the man is temporarily erased from their sphere, they do not really want to make love," notes Helen Kosmadakis. Do not think that a second baby will fix everything miraculously! On the contrary, it could well encyst these problems.
- The solution ? "Give your couple a little more time to get back on their feet before pushing them all over again," the psychologist advises. But be careful, letting time do not always enough, to start on good bases requires energy and will. "It is important to be careful not to structure your daily life around your baby, to invest in your relationship, to be a caregiver," she proposes. For example, by doing things together, by offering getaways, with a slogan: talk about something other than your child!
4. Does my man agree?
- Sometimes one is so overwhelmed by one's own desire for a new baby that one can forget about one's spouse. We tend to believe that his enthusiasm is necessarily shared! It may not be so simple ... "It is important to talk a lot with your partner to try to feel his availability, to try to evaluate his ability to mobilize again for a second child, insists Anne Gatecel. A new baby can not be a lonely decision or imposed on the other. It must be the couple's. "
- Your spouse may need a time when he or she puts a lot of effort into the work to feel like you're out of the water, away from the sleepless nights, diapers and worries that a dad may have. ! That does not mean he will not be able to become a daddy again in a few months. He's just asking that you give him some recovery time ... "A man who has not been expected to be ready is likely to experience the birth of a second child as a chopper and run away from his responsibilities, warns The woman will feel it as a betrayal and it will be the beginning of the troubles ... Another scenario, not so much more optimistic: the companion who has not been heard in his reticence will say nothing about the moment, will welcome this second baby with a lot of love ... but sooner or later risk of "presenting the bill" to his girlfriend, he will then go to reprisals: no need to run this risk!
5. And my work in all this?
- Two young children, twice as much risk of small diseases, two different child care systems, reduced trips for depositing and retrieving them, etc. Constraints that will not necessarily get along well with your professional life. Again, impossible to embark on another pregnancy without thinking and saying: we'll see!
- "Anticipating is the best way to live in complex situations, encourages Anne Gatecel. By asking questions, even if we do not find answers immediately, we allow the psyche to prepare to face, to develop solutions smoothly. "So, it's time to submit to a small car -interrogatory, where am I from my professional life, I really want this promotion and my man, what can he take care of in family life, and what time it takes me Would I be free to work for a while, or am I willing to accept a few years of professional stagnation while my children grow up a bit, or do I want to take a break from my job? to stay at home for a while?
- That's a lot of question marks, but know that they will save you from future disappointments and frustrations!
© Enfant Magazine
To read further:
> Close pregnancies, which risks?
> How to prepare for the arrival of a baby?
> The arrival of the second, a catclyme?
> Become the eldest, not so easy!